Friday, August 29, 2014

Annoying Forum User Complaining about Balance Right All Along

BOULDER, CO— Long time DOTA2 player and even more long time forum shitposter "xXx-|<r1p+|P-xXx", who has for years posted long, incomprehensible rants about balance in DOTA, has officially been recognized as the new balance authority for years to come. The decision was made last Monday when a post about Riki's ult being too strong caught the eye of Icefrog, who, throwing in the towel, immediately realized that he had been wrong about balance all along.

"We must balance change of game to new metagame", Icefrog stated in a chinese weibo post, which was later translated by Bing. The player from Colorado has since been flown out to the Valve headquarters in Seattle, where he has begun work nerfing Bloodseeker, Riki, and several other heroes that have never seen competitive play in their lives. 

The new head of balance plans to use a mix of DOTABUFF and personal vendetta for the balancing process
"Earth Spirit is fucking gay", Kyle, age 14 said in a statement this Thursday after losing a 60 minute game, "make him less fucking gay he's fucking stupid". Valve, who have often claimed that careful, incremental changes are the best means to balance their game, have conceded that Kyle's impulsive and somewhat homophobic approach to balance has won the hearts of the Playdota forum community. The new head of balance has also announced plans to make 'mid only' the standard mode for competitive esports, as well as plans to remove observer wards, sentry wards, and "that stupid faggot item only faggots buy".

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