Monday, July 28, 2014

Local Man Escapes all Responsibility by Randoming

SUNNYVALE, CA— A man playing the online video game 'DOTA2' manages to die a total of 23 times without having to take any responsibility for his actions. The player, who had only secured 2 kills and 5 assists during the 62 minute ordeal, made it clear that the outcome of the match could not have anything to do with his hero choice.

"I've never played Meepo before, and I had no idea how to play him, that's true", the man said in an interview, "but I randomed him, what was I supposed to do, repick?". Replay analysis of the match concludes that other players on the same team made comments pleading with the man to repick into a different hero. Although all other 9 players at first unanimously agreed that his choice of hero was the cause of the game's outcome, the man was acquitted of all charges when it was clear he had randomed the hero.

"It's not my fault, I randomed. You can't hate me because I randomed", the man commented. Controversy surrounding the match eventually reached Seattle based Valve Corporation, who, when pressed for a comment, simply stated that, "although in most situations where a player single-handedly feeds for over 60 minutes, the blame would be on them, the fact of the matter is that the player in question randomed his hero, which makes him exempt him from any form of responsibility towards his team or the game's outcome".

Although further analysis showed a seething hatred towards the Meepo player by his teammates, he later assured everyone that the 200 extra gold he received at the beginning of the match was worth the outcome.

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